Behind the Scenes of Crisis Core Final Fantasy VII 3

                 *I don't own FF7 or any of it's characters. But I do own Faith, she's my OC*

~In the Niblehiem Mako Reactor~

Zack: “Tifa…Tifa. Tifa. Tifa, Tifa!”
Tifa: “Ugh…Zack.”
Zack: “Sephiroth did this to you, right? Tifa?”
Tifa: “Yes…You guys came here just to investigate? That’s why I was your guide. But why did things…How could you…?” She begins to cry
Zack: “Tifa…”
Tifa: “I hate it! Shinra, SOLDIER, and you too! I can’t stand you!”
Zack: “I’m sorry. I won’t ask for your forgiveness. Just…let me prove that I’m different.” Zack walks up the stairs and crashes the door down to Jenova’s chamber. Once he gets inside…
Sephiroth: “Mother…let’s take this world back together. I’ve thought of a good plan. Let’s go to the Promised Land…Mother.”
Zack: “SEPHIROTH!! Why did you kill the villagers? Why did you hurt Tifa?! Answer me, Sephiroth!!”
Sephiroth: (evil chuckle) “Mother, those fools came again. Mother was supposed to rule the planet with her superior knowledge and power. But those fools…those worthless fools…stole this planet from you, didn’t they Mother. But please, don’t be sad anymore. Come with me.” Sephiroth reaches for the machine and tears it off and tosses it to the side.

(EVERYTHING FROM HERE ON IS COMPLETELY MADE UP…KINDA)

Both Zack and Sephiroth are surprised at what they see.
Sephiroth: “Mother’s gone!” Sephiroth and Zack look around freaked out.
Zack: “Oh, my god!” He notices something. “Wait, the glass isn’t broken! And what’s that?”
Sephiroth notices a piece of paper on Jenova’s canister.
Sephiroth (reading note): “ ‘Fellow insane person and idiotic human, I have gone to destroy the world, Jenova’ “
Zack: “Fellow insane person? Your own mother doesn’t remember your name.”
Sephiroth: “Mother…what does this mean…?”
Zack: “….Hey! I’m not an idiot!” Cloud comes in and grabs Zack’s sword from his hands and rushes at Sephiroth.
Zack: “Uh…oh, look! There she is by that terminal!”
Sephiroth: “Where?” Cloud stabs him in the middle.
Cloud: “The dark reaches of Hell, you bastard!”
Sephiroth: (Turns around with that phsycotic stare)  "Call me that again and I shall smack you with my long sword-thingy..."
Faith: (Joins in with Cloud's uncontrollable sobbing)
Cloud: (pats her on my back comfortingly)  "There there.  No one understands the ways of my pink frilly diary - I-I mean journal...which isn't totally isn't pink.  What's your story?"
Faith:   "...Sephiroth threatened to smack me with his thing or something."
Cloud: "WHAT?!"
Faith:" (sigh) "His SWORD!  Nevermind..."  (Gets up and walks away)  "Good luck with that "journal"."
           Sephiroth falls to the floor unconscious.
Zack: “Ha ha! Made ya look!”
Cloud: “Here’s your sword back.”
Zack: “Thanks. Great job! But I wanted to do that!”
Cloud: “You really are an idiot….”
Zack: “Whatever…Let’s get Tifa and get outta here!” They go into the previous room and find Tifa bloodier than before.
Cloud: “Tifa!”
Zack: “She wasn’t like that before, was she?!”
Cloud: “Oh, please tell me that’s ketchup and she’s asleep…”
Zack: “Cloud, I don’t think she had a burger with ketchup on it while her village is being burnt down!” Cloud checks her palm.
Cloud: “She doesn’t have a pulse!”
Zack: “No, you’re doing it wrong. Check it here.” Zack reaches for her chest.
Cloud: “Don’t touch her there, you pervert!” (slap)
Zack: “Ow!” His phone rings. It’s Kunsel.
Kunsel: “Zack! A huge meteor is heading toward the planet!”
Zack: “What?!”
Kunsel: “It just appeared out of nowhere!”
Zack: “Have they tried to do anything about it?”
Kunsel: “They tried the Junon Cannon, but it didn’t work. Looks like it’s all over…”
Zack: “Is there any known reason for this?”
Kunsel: “The head of the Science Department, Hojo says that something in the Niblehiem Mako Reactor caused it.”
Zack: (chuckles) “Hojo…Hojo the Hobo.”
Kunsel: “Will you focus!!”
Zack: “Damn! I can’t lighten the terrible crisis here?”
Kunsel: “What’re we gonna do?”
Zack: “Hmm…. I got it! We’ll head to Midgar and dig a tunnel and make a truce with the ancient civilization of the Mole-people and live with them! Then…we’ll assist them by creating a destructive weapon with their Mole-y technology!”
Cloud: “You’re Mole-y.”
Kunsel: “Yeah, yeah, that’s probably the STUPIDEST THING I EVER HEARD!!!!”
Zack: “Oh, come on! It’s genius!”
Kunsel: “You know, I’m starting to wonder if your parents gave you away to a family of hedgehogs and moles.”
Zack: “Thank you, Dr. Doolittle.” He hangs up.
Cloud: “Zack…as stupid as your little mole plan sounds—I’m not saying that I support it—but if this all goes bad, I love you man.”
Zack: “What are you, gay?” They hear Cissnei calling them from outside. They rush to her.
Zack: “Cissnei! What’re you doing here?!”
Cissnei: “Hurry! Take the keys to the motorcycle!”
Cloud: “Why?”
Cissnei: “Isn’t it obvious? We’re going to head to Midgar and dig a tunnel and make a truce with the ancient civilization of the Mole-people and live with them! Then…we’ll assist them by creating a destructive weapon with their Mole-y technology!”
Cloud: “….”
Zack: “I TOLD you it was genius!!”
Cloud: “Am I the only sane one here?”
Cissnei: “Well, how can you blame me? I was raised by a family of hedgehogs and moles.”
Zack: “I thought you were an orphan….”
Cissnei: (slyly) “That’s what I tell people…”
Zack: “Works for me! Quick! To the Idiot Mobile!”
  
And so, Zack, Cloud and Cissnei went to Midgar and made a truce with the Mole-people! Zack went out and brought Aerith and Kunsel, and all his other friends and family. Kunsel soon wrote a novel about the Mole-people civilization for future reference. Together, they built a cannon called the Echidna Cannon and destroyed the meteor! Then, everyone went back to their normal lives. A few weeks later, the Mole-people found Sephiroth near their Holy Moly Church, and crowned his as their King!

Zack: “Stop! This sucks!” The movie on the theater screen stopped. “What kinda movie is this?!”
Cissnei: “I was NOT raised by rodents. I was raised by Shinra my whole life!”
Kunsel: “What the hell? There aren’t any Mole-people!”
Sephiroth: “Like I’d ever turn evil. Hah! I’m a true 1st Class SOLDIER, loyal to Shinra!”
Cloud: “That’s it! Who’s screening this?!” They all make it to the screening room, where they find Jenova!
Zack: “….Quick! To the Idiot Mobile!”
Cloud: “Mole-people, here we come!” Everyone leaves except Sephiroth.
Sephiroth: “Heh, good job, Tifa! They fell for it!” Tifa removes the Jenova costume.
Tifa: “April Fools, baby! We get them EVERY year!”